(Full Color Digital Booklet Available Jefferson' Official Site.) All Songs & Parts Written & Performed By - Jefferson Montoya Produced by: J. Montoya Executive Producers: CiM, E. Douglas, Mark Olsen Cover Art by: J. Anichowski (www.janichowski.com) Photos by: Karen Park The Story of the Album This is actually the second time the album has been “finished”. Recording of the project began in the Spring of 2011 and was completed by June of the same year. That version of the album was recorded with a producer and engineer, neither of whom shall be mentioned by name, who had an incredibly different vision than I did. None of the work present in these recordings is from the hours spent working on that incarnation of the album. Some of the songs; But She’s Gone, Holdin’ On and Found You, were not part of the initial project. They replace songs that I hope to put on the next album like Stealin’ Away, I Lied and An Apology. After the debacle of the first recordings I decided to turn around, begin again, and record the album from home. This caused some interesting limitations but resulted in some very fun and inventive solutions. The massive “drum” on All I Never Had (Ms. Hemmings) is actually my Dillion acoustic guitar, turned upside down with my webcam inside it while I beat upon it with gloved hand. Why have an extended version of Don’t Think of Me? It’s deliciously 80’s, that’s why! As with To Be Determined. . . there is no use of auto tune on this project. Yes, sometimes the pitch slips around, but that’s called reality. I did, however, use more punches and retakes on this album. When I was in the 7th grade I began keeping a journal. It is a habit that continues to this day. In April of that school year I wrote, “I’ll be Pinnochio would lie his face off if he could get away with it. . .” Spelling of his name aside, it seems to be a very accurate assessment of human nature. Of course he would lie his face off. And, really, who wouldn’t? More accurately, who doesn’t? This album is about all the lies that we tell to ourselves and others in our romantic relationships. The fibs that help us plan surprises, the failure to say what we really mean, the out-right deceit of infidelity. . . all the lies poor Pinnochio (yes, I am keeping the spelling error alive) wishes he could tell and get away with it. There is just one song that is an exception from that concept; there is no lie in The Sun. Peace & Song, Jefferson M Very Special Thanks to: Ms. H – You have been an inspiration and I hope for you only the best. Without our conversations I could never have organized my thoughts into these lyrics. It is so rare to know someone who can understand what I am saying even as I stumble over emotion, vocabulary and my own foolish doubts. Thank you for “getting” me and for being real. My Long-suffering Maji & Maes – I know sometimes music competes for my time and attention. I hope, though, that you are learning to get a real job and not chase your dreams. Wait.. that can’t be right? I could not possibly love you more or be more proud to know you. MNF BD Crew (Athan + Hanks’) – I’m so lucky to have true friends who continue to love and support me even after they see how big an a** I really am. Lance – Your wisdom, patience and willingness to let me whine in your general direction is the epitome of friendship. Moms – When one simply isn’t enough! I love you and cherish your constant parental presence. Karen – Thank you for the extra studio time and the photos, I consider your friendship a greater, though less visible, gift. Mark, Cyndi and Em – Thank you for believing in the project and picking up my slack. Jennifer – I just want you to know that your art made me work so much harder to produce music worthy to be associated with it! The Thomas’ – I love how much I love you people! I really want to grow up to be just like you. Thank you for showing me, repeatedly, that the best of mankind exists even if sometimes it gets concentrated into one small family. K – Thanks for inspiring me to play better, for reminding me that I’m not half bad at this music thing and for the use of your guitar when my own guitfiddles wouldn’t cut it. T – I love that we are friends. My New-Found Siblings – Meeting you has been a massive blessing. I can’t be all bad if I share genes with ya’ll. Can I? Mrs. M. – Thank you for teaching me how to not abuse my voice. It may not sound like it on these tracks but there is a lot of Carol Ann in this new sound of mine. And, of course, Claudia Bigler and Scott D. Stanton – You saved my life and I hope with each project to avoid your coming to regret that. ;-) Friends, Fans and Frands – Every show ticket, download and cd you buy makes it possible for me to pursue the madness that is being a musician. Lyrics: ==But She’s gone He checks every single message that touches her phone Gotta her so close can’t trust her to be alone He says “It’s cause I love you so much but I think if you had a choice Why wouldn’t you’d be running off with all the better boys?” And she’d never have thought that if he hadn’t planted the seed He keeps a sharp eye, stays by her side Never lets her out of his sight but she’s gone He keeps a short leash and a tight rope Keeps everything under control but she’s gone She’s right in front of him but she’s gone She’s gotta stay, got the kids, can’t just run away so fast But every day of this makes her wonder how will she last Maybe she could get lucky and he’ll do the leaving part for her She tells him she’s not happy he says, “I can make that work.” And the more things do not change the more she accepts they’re always gonna be same He doesn’t have a clue Looks at the ring on her hand strikes her as the band of a slave She’s gonna have to serve this man till she rests in her grave But she’s done being true she starts to dream of another man His suffocating love kills everything so she takes her happiness where she can She’ll languish like she’s his but her heart has already moved on. Maybe he just doesn’t want to have a clue. Which lie is worse? ==10th Last Time Comin’ home to your face for the 9th last time Swallowin’ whole the disgrace that’s been 8 times mine And I can’t admit or cut to the quick of it This just is not where I want to be for me Can’t pack up or settle in and I’ve been here forever Won’t back down, must give in, I failed to break the tether And I can’t admit, or cut to the quick of it This is just not where I want to be for me Running away takes one braver than I I can’t greet this goodbye Because of you, because of me This is not what I wanted to be And I can’t admit, or cut to the quick of it This is just not where I want to be for me Comin’ home to your face for the 10th last time Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. See ya on the 11th Last Time. . . and 12th.. and... ==All I Never Had (Ms Hemmings) I can always see her, but she’s never in sight And I’m not so supposed to So I guess that’s alright ‘Cept that it’s not I couldn’t hate this more I guess my heart is done for I’m surrounded by her and I need her so bad Guess what goes around doesn’t always come back And all I’m missing is all I never had We have our past, we have our history Dreams that never were and love that can not be ‘Cept that it must and I couldn’t want this more There’s too much to hope for I’m surrounded by her and I need her so bad Guess what goes around doesn’t always come back And all I’m missing is all I never had I’ve no broken heart, It’s all together and so dedicated We’re so far apart, Not sure whether it’s me that’s waited Is she surrounded by me Like I’m surrounded by her and I need her so bad Guess what goes around doesn’t always come back And all I’m missing is all I never had . . .unless, of course, I’m missing more? ==Don't Think of Me And so the clock has run itself right out, the sands have all gone to the bottom Lost hope, you’ve given into all your doubts, blind folded the dreams and shot ‘em Now it’s bitter sweet more the former than latter I’m a memory that one day will not matter If you think of me at all when you look back Well, don’t think of me, don’t think of me at all Tell me the lies I could love yesterday they keep me from cryin’ And we both know what the truth is anyway but it slows down my dyin’ Now it’s bitter sweet more the former than latter I’m a memory that one day will not matter If you think of me at all when you look back Well, don’t think of me, don’t think of me at all ‘Cause I don’t wanna be in your memory Holdin’ you back from everything or anything that you ever did want You won’t have me in reality So we should agree, mutually, not to haunt each other And just let it go. . . But if we find this all too difficult well, we can always blame it on love Cause it’s bitter sweet more the former than latter I’m a memory that one day will not matter If you think of me at all when you look back Well, don’t think of me, don’t think of me at all If you didn’t want me to think of you, you’d not tell me not to. You’d not say anything. ==Just Leave Standing on my front porch cause it just wont seem right to let you back into the space we shared, the space we shared. You say maybe in a week you will come back by and get the things you might have left in there. Left in there but Oh, this all seems to be a bit too much for me Oh, I just wanna run away back to you empty arms get away from me, please I don’t understand how we didn’t make the best of this Yet, we’ll find someone who makes us better than we were Maybe it’s not about us maybe it’s about all our sins The lies we told ourselves and truths we hid from one another Oh, this all seems to be a bit too much for me Oh, I just wanna run away back to you empty arms get away from me, please I know I need get along and move along - love’s like water you gotta let it flow And I know that you’re not even what I want But I just can’t let us go Standing on my front porch cause it just wont seem right to let you back into the space we shared Oh, this all seems to be a bit too much for me Oh, I just wanna run away back to you empty arms get away from me, please Just leave. . . Yes, just leave. But, don’t go too far? ==Pinnochio Wishes Well, there’s something to be said for those who can lie And get away with it so much easier than I. It’s a blessing, truth’s a curse and it hurts the ones it hits. So, I want to be free of it. But I wish that once I could say, “I’m not in love” And have it be believed. And I told the truth, lived in honesty enough And it never set me free so now I need to convince me There’s some part of me cheers for those who can hide Behind facades and never have to show us who they really are I’m not lookin to deceive anyone else so much as I I wanna mislead myself before I let what’s real go too far . . . Oh, here it comes, can’t control it now Can’t hide how I really feel Oh, here it comes, can’t control it now Why can’t I say it and make it real? But I wish that once I could say, “I’m not in love” And have it be believed. And I told the truth, lived in honesty enough And it never set me free so now I need to convince me My nose grows and I’m the only one who knows ==S.U.A.K. Me All this dancing ‘round the subject ain’t doing nothin but makin’ us tired We can be discreet in public but why should we pretend in private Can’t think straight your mind is wanderin’ starin’ at my lips like they are sugar made Do those things you’re likely ponderin’ or stop your self and till I drift away When I’m gone, you’re gonna miss me When I’m gone you’re gonna wish you’d stepped up You don’t want to resist me - Nah, you’re sweet enough but it’s time you just Shut up shut up shut up and kiss me Are you wonderin’ who’ll be peepin, Oh the things that people talk about In your blood the thought is creepin’, Will you act on it before I walk out Ask me what if, inquire what’s next, Moments aren’t so great for holdin Beg the question can we deal with it, And there’s a reason silence is golden . . . And I’ve said enough Sure, it’s moral to keep your lips to yourself. It just seems immoral to pretend that’s what you want. ==The Sun I’ve never been the science type But I’m pretty sure I can tell the day from night And astrophysics might sail over my head But I know what I know, even if I can’t explain it And some things I say might not make sense but Someone turns off the sun, every time you go away Someone turns off the sun, so for you I will wait in the dark Galileo may argue and he might seem right But he never toiled in the darkness to be kissed by the light Well I was and those lips told me what was true The old man got it wrong, the world revolves around you And some things I say might not make sense but Someone turns off the sun, every time you go away Someone turns off the sun, so for you I will wait in the dark The problem with waiting in the dark isn’t the dark, it’s how much you miss the light! ==Holdin’ On I guess summer’s come cause it’s hot as hell and it’s only March I hate the weather in this God forsaken town And there’s nowhere that I wanna go don’t wanna drive my car Anyway, drank my gas money down And to make things worse I’m thinkin’ about Makin’ things worse thinkin’ about Holdin’ on to somethin’ that I never really had Holdin’ on to a dream of you that sifts sand through my hands Everyone says it’s just a fling I gotta let it go I suppose maybe they’re right, they’re right, they’re always right But I didn’t think so I didn’t ask and I’ll probably never know If we had anything real that night And to make things worse I’m thinkin’ about Makin’ things worse scheming about . . . Oh I suppose for control I should forget that night Ah but, Girl, I just don’t know if I’m the quittin’ type So I keep holdin’ on Holdin’ on to somethin’ that I never really had, Holdin’ on to a dream of you that sifts; sand through my hands Does it count, as a lie, if you know it’s not real but you pretend it is anyway? ==Found You I thought that before I’d been doing fine I was wanting for nothing, no worries on my mind Didn’t know I was lonely till I missed your call Never knew I missed anything at all They say you can’t miss what you never had I never knew I was lacking something so good so bad Oh, that Ignorance is bliss thing must be true ‘Cause I didn’t know I was lost till I found you No one told me I was sick till you gave me your cure Now I’m wondering’ if I was ever well before Thought I was rocking along being where I wanted to be Then here you come with that smile that finally set me free They say you can’t miss what you never had I never knew I was lacking something so good so bad Oh, that Ignorance is bliss thing must be true ‘Cause I didn’t know I was lost till I found you Everything’s so upside down To think I thought I had it all figured out But I wouldn’t trade a minute would not go back a day Cause life wasn’t life without you anyway What I didn’t know was killing me, it’s true. ‘Cause I didn’t know I was lost till I found you Whatever you do, don’t look honestly at your lonely. . .