August 28, 1990 was the big day for me. The start of recording the first album , in Wisseloord . I was 21 , for the first time as a solo artist in the big studio. Though I had great moral support from my friend and bass player Arthur Polini , who was already with me since ’89 and played bass and did harmony vocals on a couple of tracks. But most of the instruments I played myself on the album. Initially the recordings went smoothly. Prepared and practiced hard that summer on everything I was going to play . And thanks to Producer/Engineer Erwin Musper there was no stress and tension whatsoever. Although at first he wanted to hire a ‘real’ guitar player to do all the guitars. But I rehearsed them to death and I begged him to give me a chance to change his mind. In 2 days all the rhythm parts and some leads were recorded, I convinced him . For the other solo’s we hired Dutch session guitar player Lex Bolderdijk. Because of my lack of experience of recording a whole album as a vocalist I totally forgot about the complete overview on the recording schedule . Like done in most cases we recorded the basics from all songs first. Then all the piano’s/synths and guitars. When all instruments were done it was time for the Lead and Harmony Vocals. Usually after a day of singing I needed about a week to get my voice back, but now there was no time to rest cause everything else was already on tape. It all became very stressful . Not only the lead vocals for all the songs still had to be done, also the Choirs. Most of them I did in unison with Johan ‘Jay-Jay’ Willems . On days when my voice was reasonably OK I did as many leads as I could . I was relieved to get them all on tape after all, but not happy with it at all . And that became a big frustration up to this day . I could have done it so much better. Also because of my lack of experience I never thought or heard of the aspect of atmosphere in a song. I only figured the songs would sound 100 times better recorded on two 32 tracks digital machines with the greatest mixing desk and all the equipment you could ever wish for. But in my crappy home studio, recording something immediately after I wrote it, the atmosphere already came with it naturally. But reproducing that ‘feel’ is very hard. Maybe impossible. But most important in music. That missing aspect on a lot of songs made the album rather disappointing to me. Nothing to do with what has been played. It’s a matter of using the right sounds, the right effects, the right mixing but most important the right vocal performance. And basically I could have done it so much better. If I only had enough time to heal my voice in between the songs and was aware of the special feel on the demo’s . Another big frustration I had afterwards were the changes in the lyrics. Others tried to re-write some before in an awful way, so initially I was happy that Erwin, who made the changes, kept the syllables and most sounds right. The reason of changing some lines was that he thought overall the lyrics were too depressive, he wanted to make it a bit lighter. Like ‘Love Is Alive’ actually was ‘Love Is A Lie’ . On the album the chorus goes : "Love is alive…cuts like a knife through your soul" It used to be : "Love is a lie, love is a lie so untrue" Or with ‘The Magic Breeze’ in a verse I wanted to sing : "But you’re the one I’m searching for, you’re the Lord of all" But it became : "….You can stop my fall" . Too much like an evangelist was the reason. A few examples here, but too many wrong changes for me to be able to like the whole album . I consider it all as a big missed opportunity. The vocals which could have been a lot better, the changed lyrics ,sound, the wrong atmosphere, it all made the result rather disappointing to me. On mini-album Live & Demos you can hear what I mean . Though the quality of my home 8 track recordings are of course a lot less, but on those 3 demo’s (I Believe In you, Heaven Is Calling, One Day) the atmosphere is there . But besides that it was a very good experience with Erwin and in the Wisseloord . I remember coming in very early everyday, long before we started, to practice and play on the great Steinway piano’s. I didn’t have a grand piano at home . All in all it was a great and warm time and a valuable experience. Everything was finished beginning of November/ end of October that year. Then for months nothing happened, I had to wait (story of my life). Spring ’91 I got a new manager : Willem de Bois. ‘I Believe In You’ , the over 6 minutes long epical song, was planned to be the first single from the beginning on . But Willem didn’t think so. He thought b-side- piano ballad ‘Over And Over Again’ should be the first. Asked me if I could make a rock ballad out of it. And I did . With Polydor’s A&R manager Paul Brinks he took it to Polydor USA. They loved it and because of their back up I was able to record it with my most favourite American producer/engineer Humberto Gattica who’s sound was perfect for the song. He came to Holland July 1991. Recorded in Wisseloord Assisted by Attie Bauw. At that time Rob Winter became the guitar player of the VALENTINE band . Arthur on Bass, Rob on Guitars, me on piano/keys/vocals and Johan and me doing the harmonies . Humberto mixed it at Ground Control, LA. It all was a fantastic experience . And it was released in Holland October 14 to get to nr 6 in the charts. Also in many Asian countries it became a huge hit. I wrote "Over And Over Again" for my ex- girlfriend . She was the first big love in my life. It started with another song . The best way for me to express my feelings for her was to put them into music, trying the best I could to win her heart . That was ‘Thinking Of You’ . ( Now it finally will appear on CD. Recorded a new version of it for the 3rd V-album . ) Soon after that we got together . I was over the moon . But it didn’t last long . Though we stayed in touch, I was left broken hearted . But naïve enough to think I could win her back by writing another song : Over And Over Again . I played it to her , but although she liked it, it didn’t work . Well , at least the song served another purpose. I went to Prague to shoot the video . With a grand piano on a big, empty , beautiful square. And with the whole band in a studio in Amsterdam . Everything in the US looked very promising. I was planned in as a top-priority act with Polydor and they were all satisfied with the whole package. Only just a few weeks before the release was planned they got a new President. He thought my looks didn’t fit with the song. He had a Brian Adams / Richard Marx image in his mind. So I had to change, cut my hair, lose the make up, and wear jeans and a simple leather jacket, otherwise : no release. But for me that was no option at all. I figured I could never be happy if I couldn’t be me. So I refused to change but never really expected they actually would blow off everything. But they did. And that huge opportunity went down the drain. But no regrets at my side. Even when it would have become big like they predicted, it wouldn’t have meant so much to me if I had to be a puppet. End of December ’91 we recorded ‘Love Takes Me Higher’ as the 2nd single. I got the chance to produce it with Attie Bauw, he also engineered it. Hans Eijkenaar who became the final member of the VALENTINE band did the drums . Rob on guitars, Arthur on bass and harmony vocals, Johan-harmony vocals and me on keys/vocals and harmonies. Attie even sacrificed new years-eve to mix it. Also gave up his Christmas days to re-mix "I Believe In You". For the B-sides of Love Takes me Higher Rob and I recorded an acoustic guitar ballad : "A World Of You And Me" which I wrote when I was 17 + the first and long version of "Don’t Make Me Wait Forever" that would end up as a rock ballad on the 2nd album . That was recorded and mixed by John Sonneveld . For the b-side of I Believe In You I recorded an acoustic/classical version of the song with engineer John Smit. Though when ‘I Believe In You’ was released I discovered that the classical piano-part of the b-side version was mysteriously edited out. Also we had the opportunity to make a revolutionary video for the song. Computer game company Nintendo sponsored it and we were supposed to actually appear in the game. But the result was ridiculous and hugely amateurish . Inexperienced self-called directors didn’t really do a great job with the 100$ budget. That together with my failed USA adventure didn’t do me any good here. Telling all those things in advance in the press and not be able to deliver… We should have kept our mouths shut. During that time we were already on the road with what we called ‘The Shake Awake Tour’ . ( from Feb ‘till the end of June 1992 ) The album did very well in Holland. We did many TV and radio shows. Tons of interviews. Great live concerts , some of them never to forget. When I look at old photographs I always get nostalgic.