Hi,I'm ART PAUL SCHLOSSER and when putting this CD out I was trying to do a romantic style CD(Actaully funny romantic or strange) but I had some extra stuff and the romantic songs wheren't very long so as you can see I threw some jokes in and a Bret Farve song(4) because Packer songs were selling pretty good and I liked Bret Favre's passing ability at the time.In doing this CD I wanted to go back to my roots of folk and blues because I was inspired by this acoustic guitar I had that had a bluesy sound to it.The Cover was a drawing that while I was playing Dan Huran drew me and then handed me the drawing.I liked it for the cover because I'm upstaging the audiance.I also liked it because my weird song Beach Old Lady is on this CD and I thought since I'm wearing a hawaiian shirt that might look interesting and hawaiian shirts make a guy look handsome.I choose red instead of black to go with the Valentine theme.The CD is also red and has a heart on it. The Last song The Filler song was written live in the studio and done in one take.The Filler song is basically a song to fill up the CD so you get more music for your money.Be My Valentine is my longest CD as far as time.Well I hope this helps you decide-APS Okay maybe I'll let you read some lyrics too. Here they are: 1. Sound Bite This is the sound bite 2. Red Hat Blues I’ve got the blues I’ve got the blues I’ve got the read hat blues I’ve got the read hat blues R.E.A.D. Read There's alot of words on it People read my hat I’ve got the read hat blues Read Read Read hat blues Read Read Read hat blues I’ve got the blues I’ve got the blues I’ve got the red I’ve got the red hat blues I’ve got the red hat blues Yeah R.E.D. It’s red It’s red Well at least it was red Until I put it in the wash Then it turn pink I’ve got the pink hat blues Then one day while I was wearing it It fell off it got all dirty now it brown I’ve got the brown hat blues Red Red Red hat blues Red Red Red hat blues I’ve got the blues I’ve got the rad hat blues I’ve got the rad hat blues You know R.A.D. Rad My hat is rad You know it’s really cool A lot of people like it Well I think they do Maybe they don’t Actaully they probable don’t Well so what I don’t care It’s rad I like it It’s rad hat Rad hat blues I’ve got the rad hat blues Rad Rad Rad hat blues Rad Rad Rad hat blues 3. Cat Horse Joke Q:What do you get when you mix a cat and a horse ? A:Well you know what, it eat the funniest things and when it talks it makes this sound: meheheow 4.I Like My Mother After my mother died I felt lead to write this because my Mother was a great mother. There's candy Ice cream Chocolate Good dreams And I like my Mother ! Mothers are sweet Mothers are nice They help you Give you good advice And they make you cookies ! I like my Mother ! I like my Mother ! I like my Mother ! I Like my Mother ! I really Like My Mother ! There’s Uncles Cousins Sisters Brothers Fathers And I like my Mother ! And I pray God You'll let my Mother live a thousand years So I don't have to get a job or do anything And I can just live with my mother ! I like my Mother ! I like my Mother ! I like my Mother ! I like my Mother ! I really Like My Mother 5. 5 This is the speech about the speech about the speech about the speech, which is about the speech actually maybe I should just sing a song. 1,2,3,4,5 A,B,C,D,5 5,5,5,5,5 Maybe I’ve been watching too much sesame street 5 Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco 5,5,5,5,5 My girlfriend told me to meet her at a certain time, when I think it was it 5 6. 4 4-4 4 4 4-4 4 4 4-4 4-4 He's a Legend He's a Legend Number 4-4 Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre Watch him throw a Hail Mary Pass 4-4 4 4 4-4 4 4 4-4 4-4 He's a Legend He's a Legend Number 4-4 Won the most Valuable player award 3 years in a roll He's a Legend He's a Legend Number 4 7. She’s a Slow Walker She’s a slow walker But man can she move Yeah she’s a slow walker Man can she move She’s a slow walker But man can she move Said take’s her a while to get there But when she gets there she’s always in the groove Rides her bike Almost all the time Yeah rides her bike Almost all the time Rides her bike Almost all the time And when she gets to the hill Man can she climb She’s a slow walker But man can she move She’s a slow walker But man can she move She’s a slow walker But man can she move Take’s her a while to get there But when she gets there she’s always in the groove She gives me the eye It really makes me scream She gives me the eye She really makes me scream She gives me the eye It really makes me scream You know I love to kiss her But she's only thirteen Yeah she don’t smoke cigarettes It’s mostly bubblegum She don’t smoke cigarettes It’s mostly bubblegum She don’t smoke cigarettes It’s mostly bubblegum She loves to laugh She loves to have fun She’s a slow walker But man can she move She’s a slow walker But man can she move She’s a slow walker But man can she move They say it take’s her a while to get there But when she gets there she’s always in the groove 8. Never Grow Up Keep growing Keep growing Never grow up Never grow up Keep growing Keep growing But never grow up Too many people worrying about the bills Too many people taking too many pills Too many people making too many rules And then their sticking their nose into what your trying to do Keep growing Keep growing Keep growing Never grow up Never grow up Keep growing Keep growing But never grow up I don’t want to get to wild while I’m young I don’t want to treat people like they are dumb I don’t want to be a nit picky person Hey there’s still time let’s have fun Too many people worried about the future They forget that we’re still living in the now and here They miss out on all the beauty that is so dear And then they don’t see the squirrels or the birds or the flowers that are near They don’t 9. Swatting A Fly I’ve got to get that fly I’ve got to get that fly I hate these flies Their getting me I’ve got to get it Owe ! I hit myself I’ve got to get that fly Owe ! I hit myself again I got him 10. Setting Off The Alarm I hope no one catches me in here. 11.The Robbery Well the robber broke into the bank And he set off thee alarm And though they could hear thee alarm No one could see him Because he was the Invisible Man An the Invisible Man couldn’t be caught An the Invisible Man couldn’t be shot Cause no one could see him In night or day And that’s how he got away He was the Invisible Man An the Invisible Man couldn’t be shot An the Invisible Man couldn’t be caught And he got away 12.Yes-You Caught Me Yes you caught me Drinking Ice tea 13.Please Mr. Policeman Please Mr. Policeman don’t shoot me with your gun I’m just playing my guitar and I’m having a little fun I don’t want to hurt no body and no body wants to hurt me So please Mr. Policeman let me go free I won’t sit and I won’t stand I’ll hold my breath try not to breath if I can I’m just gonna play a song and then I’ll disappear Oops I standing near someone else’s beer Yeah I was just sitting there not doing any thing wrong Not thinking any evil thoughts just playing my songs Well you know it wasn’t murder and it wasn’t robbery It was the terrible crime of vagrancy Please Mr. Policeman don’t shoot me with your gun I know I’m just a citizen but that don’t mean I’m dumb You know my rights but that don’t mean I’m wrong Hey what’s so evil about a song 14. Beach Old Lady Hi,this is a song I wrote about the Beach Boys because they’re kind of old these days and they’re getting even older and I was thinking maybe this something they will sing at age 100. Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Shriveled in the Sand Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Am I to old to be your old man ? We haven’t had a hit in quite a while But we still need the bucks So even though we don’t got no new hits We’re gonna sing the old songs that suck Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Shriveled in the Sand Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Am I to old to be your old man ? Yeah all our grand children listen to punk And some of them listen to rap And every time we try to practice They said turn that off it’s 15. Beach Old Lady Revisted Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Shriveled in the Sand Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Am I to old to be your old man ? Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Shriveled in the Sand Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady Beach old lady, Beach old lady 16. At The Elvis Concert Announcer : Ladies and Gentleman Elvis has just ate the building Elvis : Thank you, very much Thank you, very much Burp Thank you, berry much Thank you, blueberry much Thank you, raspberry much Thank you, cranberry much Thank you, strawberry much Thank you, berry much 17. I’m Blue I’m Blue I’m Blue I bought some paint To paint my house It was Blue paint I spilled all over me I’m Blue I’m Blue 18. Sound Bite II This is another sound bite 19.Commercial This is the commercial About the commercial About the commercial There is going to be a commercial but we don't know what that's about This is the commercial About the commercial About the commercial They said there wasn't enough commercials And since they already had commercials about commercials This is the commercial About the commercial About the commercial 20.4 Again 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 Brett Favre Brett Favre Watch him sell you something on TV 21. You’re Gonna Die Someday Babe We're all gonna hit the grave Someday Babe We're all gonna hit the grave Someday Babe We're all gonna hit the grave Some are cowards and some just think their brave Well some go easy And some they go hard Some go easy And some go hard Some go easy And some go hard But death’ll get you it doesn’t matter if you’re a Star Well it’s sunny and bright But tomorrow it’s gonna rain Today it’s sunny and bright But tomorrow it’s gonna rain Today it’s sunny and bright But tomorrow it’s gonna rain You can’t add one day to your life no matter how much you complain One day Babe We're all gonna hit the grave Someday Babe We're all gonna hit the grave Someday Babe We're all gonna hit the grave And death’ll get you no matter how much money in the bank you save Some are Queens And some they are saints Yeah you maybe a Queen And you maybe a Saint You maybe a Queen And you maybe a Saint But some that say they are, often they ain’t Yeah you better get ready Cause you don’t know when it will come You better get ready You don’t know when it will come You better get ready You don’t know when it will come And if you think your fooling God well maybe your dumb 22. Get The Lord Known(In Your Heart Yeah) Chorus: Get the Lord known in your heart yeah Get the Lord known in your heart yeah 1.Got questions Ask Jesus Got Questions Ask Jesus 2.Why go to an empty well? Why go to an empty well? 3.Many seeketh but they don’t find it They seeketh but they seeketh in the wrong place 23. Kum ba ya Kum ba ya my Lord, kum ba ya Kum ba ya my Lord, kum ba ya Kum ba ya my Lord, kum ba ya Oh, Lord kum ba ya Someone’s crying Lord, kum ba ya Someone’s crying Lord, kum ba ya Someone’s crying Lord, kum ba ya Oh, Lord kum ba ya. Having a goodtime Lord kum ba ya Having a goodtime Lord kum ba ya Having a goodtime Lord kum ba ya Oh, Lord kum ba ya. I've got the Blues my Lord kum ba ya I've got the Blues my Lord kum ba ya I've got the Blues my Lord kum ba ya Oh, Lord kum ba ya. Someone’s praying Lord, kum by ya Someone’s praying Lord, kum by ya Someone’s praying Lord, kum by ya Oh, Lord kum ba ya. 24. Oh When Those Saints(Go Marching In) Oh, when the saints Go marching in Oh, when the saints go marching in Oh you know l want to be in that number When the saints go marching in Yeah you know saved My soul from sin You know saved My soul from sin By his blood you know he cleanse me You know saved my soul from sin Hallelujah Praise the Lord Hallelujah praise the Lord Glory too God in the highest Hallelujah praise the Lord 25. She’s Got a Gorgeous Beard 1.I think I'm going be weird I think it's today yeah My girlfriend grew a beard Ain't that strange yeah Chorus: She's got a gorgeous beard She got a gorgeous Beard-erd-erd She's got a gorgeous beard and she looks great 2.She said that she just woke up And there it was She don't know the reason Or the cause(return to chorus) 27.Be My Valentine Be my Valentine Drive me crazy and blind For your love I will do anything I'll even try to fly even though I don't have wings I'm a fool for your love Yes I can be crazy and dumb Try me anytime See how love is really blind Be my Valentine All common sense I'll leave behind For your love I'll even do time So what if I didn't do the crime 28. Letz Danze Letz danze Letz danze Letz danze You’ve got antz in your pantz Letz danze Letz danze D-d-danze Letz danze Yeah you think your from Franze Letz danze Letz danze D-d-danze Letz danze Out your ear are 6 plantz Letz danze D-d danze D-d danze Danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze Your in a psychedelic tranze Letz danze 29. Do you ever feel Do you ever feel Do you ever feel Do you ever feel like your in a scary movie And all of a sudden it starts to get dark And all these eyes are staring at you And dogs Do you ever feel Do you ever feel Not with your hands Do you ever feel like your in a scary movie And all of a sudden it starts to get dark And all these eyes are staring at you And all these eyes are staring at you And all these eyes are staring at you Do you ever Do your ever feel Do you ever feel like your in a scary movie And the music is really eerie And it starts to get dark and all these eyes are staring at you Are staring at you And dogs start to bark Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Do you ever feel Do you ever feel like your in a scary movie Do you ever feel Do you ever feel like your in a scary movie And it starts to get dark And all these eyes are staring at you And dogs start to bark And they get louder And they get louder And they get louder Do you ever feel like your in a scary movie And it starts to get dark Do you ever feel Do you ever feel Do you ever feel like your in a scary movie And it starts to get dark And all these dogs start to bark And the eyes Eyes are staring at you everywhere And you think some guys going to jump out of the bushes And take all your money and kill you Do you ever feel Do you ever feel like your in a scary movie And it starts to get dark And the music is really eerie And all these eyes are staring at you And dogs are barking And some guys going to jump out of the bushes And you wake up And you wake up And some guys knocking on your door And you answer the door and it's the IRS and you owe them 2000 dollars 30. Ordinary Blues It’s Friday But it feels like Tuesday I just don’t know what to say It’s freezing out The wind is blowing about And it makes me want to just run away I wish I could be in California I wish I could be somewhere else I’ve got a job But it makes me sob Because I’ve got to work everyday I’d rather sing Or do some artistical thing I only wish I could figure out how to make it pay I wish I could be a success I wish I didn’t need this job I’ve got the blues The routine is ordinary blues And I feel like I can’t stay Yeah it’s true I don’t know what to do But I can’t keep living this way I wish I could be in New York I wish I could be somewhere else 31. Rosy The Vampirra Rosy come over That’s what I fear Rosy come over There’s no face in the mirror That’s what I fear That’s what I fear Rosy come over There’s no face in the mirror I think of you often When I’m in the coffin I think of you often Your Dreadfully dear Well I’m on the midnight train Or is this a nightmare Well I’m on the Midnight train Your vangs are coming near 32. Ain’t Great We need a lot of money So we built ourselves a great big factory And though it destroyed a lot of land We’re getting rich so we’re happy Yeah we make little white plastic things that no one knows what they do But everyone is buying them Because there really cool And although we’re destroying the ocean By pouring out toxic waste We give part of the money to a good cause Say ain’t that great Ain’t that great Ain’t that great Ain’t that great Ain’t that great Even though we’re destroying the ocean By pouring out toxic waste We give part of the money to a good cause Ain’t that great Kazoo ~~~~~ Ain’t that great 33. You Can Leave Is my nose Is my nose Is my nose to big for you Is my nose Is my nose Is my nose to big for you If my nose If my nose If my nose’s too big for you If my nose ‘s too big for you Well you know what you can do If my nose ‘s too big for you You know what you can do You can leave Are my feet Do my feet Do my feet stink too Do my feet Do my feet Do my feet stink too Do my feet If my feet If my feet stink too If my feet stink too Well you know what you can do If my feet stink too Well you know what you can do You can leave You can leave You can leave You can leave, leave, leave, leave, leave, leave Make like a tree Make like a tree Make like a tree and leave Leave Leave Make like a tree and leave I’ll point my finger to the door Yeah you don’t have to come back no more Point my finger to the door You can leave 34. Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah Yeah Yeah Yes Yes Yes, yes, yes.yes ,yes Yes Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes Yes Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes Yes why yes Yes why yes Yes Yes Si Si Si Senior Si Si Si Si Senior Si Si Si Si Senior Si Si, si Si, si Senior Oui Oui Oui Madamesel Oui Oui Oui Madamesel Oui Oui Oui Madamesel Oui Oui Madamesel Oui Oui Madamesel Oui 35. Sound Bite III Oh No ! Not another sound bite ! 36. The Filler Song This is the filler song Yeah I’m just filling up the space between the rest of the CD with this song This is the filler song Aren’t you glad you bought this CD because it’s got lots of music on it ? Infact I decided to fill up a lot of it with just this song Hey have you shaved lately ? Hey what are doing right now ? Do you know what your brother is ? What about the police ? Are they knocking on your door ? Open up Open up this is the cops This the cops Open up this is the cops This is the filler song I don’t know what it’s about I’m just making it up as I go along This is the filler song This is the filler song Filler up at the gas station Fill up this CD Philip ran for president He lost the election so instead he’s working at a gas station Yeah he says they say to him Philip filler her up Philip filler her up Did I mention this is the filler song ? Yeah this is the filler song What do you get when you don’t cross nothing with nothing ? You get more nothing Unless you don’t cross it Then you still have nothing We’re going faster I drop my a I drop my pick I’m gonna try to find it here Oh I’m gonna have a little more ice tea well I’m here This is the filler song so I’m just filling up this spot with all sorts of rapping and talking and rambling on Yep Okay I found another guitar pick here We’re going slower We’re going slower We’re going slower Were going slower You know sometimes life is slow like a clock with elephant’s legs weighing it down Other times life is fast like a bird with wings And you no time for anything Because everything’s going really fast This is the filler song This is the filler song You know everybody likes kazoo on the song So I thought well you know then maybe I should put some kazoo on the song What’s your Mother doing ? Right now ? What are you doing ? What about your parent’s parent’s parent’s? The police are at the door This is the police open up We know you’ve gotta We know you’ve got a joint in there no just kidding I don’t do drugs actually Well you maybe wondering why ? Well I’m not here to tell you what to do but I feel free I don’t have LSD And I feel free Because I can think clearly This is the filler song A song so long A song so long It’s filling up the space on your CD You wonder why you play it And now your trying to get out of bed because you put the CD on and your relaxing and now you realize it’s kind of going a little long and you wonder what you should do Maybe you can get your friend Ralph to get up and flip the switch or something Or someone else because you know your procrastinating But you really want to get up but I’m starting say something interesting What is interesting Interest from your CD Interest from your CD at the bank What does that have to do with this CD Well this CD might be interesting But your not going to get any interest unless the price of CDs go up and they pay you more for it at the used store but I don’t know I doubt that will happen Your at the GBS network GBS GBS Gullible Broadcasting Network We play gullible TV show that we think your gullible to watch It’s gullible Gullible TV You know you have to watch Have to watch TV No Gullible Gullible network This is the filler song A song so long A song so long That It fills up your CD Don’t that make you happy ? Hi How are you doing ladies and gentleman out there in the audience I talk funny don’t I ? But maybe you talk funny I don’t know ? You talk normal you think but maybe it’s funny to me Because you think I talk funny, but maybe I talk normal and you’re the one that’s really weird ? I don’t know some people are really weird in the world They do a normal job that no one wants to do and they think they’re normal But they’re doing a job they don’t want to do Then there are people out there that people think are weird and their normal because they are doing what they want They’re doing a fun job that they enjoy. And then there’s some people out there that Some people out there Hey did my voice change Okay anyways Some people out there that think Ah think they are Lets see they think they are weird No there Well everyone else thinks their weird but their normal I don’t know Anyways This is the filler song I think that the recording guy’s going to tell me when I go When I’m doing to much music here and I should quit so Anyways I’m filling up the space So that you get your money’s worth For the CD you’re buying You’re getting it fill up with this song I’m not sure how along I’m going to go here but isn’t it interesting It’s almost like revolution number 9 or something Maybe I should say number 9 a couple of times but that might be ripping off the Beatles or something like that Yeah I’m just making up stuff here You know sometimes a songs starts out You know you start You start to think there’s going to be a really cool A really cool riff And then nothing you know what I mean I was running I was running down the street I had to keep running I don’t know what was chasing me though so I stopped I just started walking Then I started running again Help ! I started screaming help ! Help ! Help ! Then I realized I was inside a vacuum This is the filler song I’m just making up stuff as I go along Some of it’s funny and some of it’s weird As long as you keep listening then you’ll get to hear Everything I say on this song Don’t you like it It’s not short it’s kind of long. I think I’m going to have another swig of ice tea right here How are you doing out there listening to my CD ? Is it good do you like what you hear here ? Is it jazz or funk or what do you think of this ? I keep hearing these you know it’s like stars or something I don’t know they just make these little echoes It’s like someone is splashing something on top of the water or something Well I’m doing that part with my one hand The other hand’s got a glass of ice tea in it and I’m drinking it I don’t recommend ice tea unless you don’t mind staying up at night It’s got caffeine and sometimes it causes you to lose sleep But then sometimes it’s kind of fun I don’t know I don’t know what were we talking about ? Oh look out Their looking in your window Their looking in your window Are we going over ? I’ve got 2 minutes I think I’m going to end this song right here This is the filler song A song so long it filled up the end of your CD Don’t you like it ? Well I’m glad you bought it Next time you see me you can thank me Have a good one