Nearly all of my works written since 2009 are autobiographical, using mostly original texts where I disguise to greater or lesser degrees events and people in my life. They are all deeply personal, soulful, vulnerable, searching, trusting, while they also embrace inner convictions, power, the co-existence of various, sometimes conflicting, parts of the self. My works are, for me, journeys that escape conventional experience, they are voyages into other worlds. Most of the sound sources in these works are vocal (mostly my voice, sung, spoken, modified, etc.), while I’ve also used virtual instruments where I adjust envelopes, mixing various sampled instruments and sounds to render MIDI information. Additionally, I use Csound as a platform for the convolution of vocal with synthetic sounds to produce a variety of textures and timbres. Primarily classically informed, my music is also, though less obviously, influenced by blues and jazz where melody, harmony, texture, time, structures, and the multiple levels at which these can exist transmute through my own method of expression, allowing the physicality of sound to reinforce the story that must be told. Bryan Pezzone is a remarkable interpreter of my music, improvising with sixteen of my compositions since 2010 for both concerts and recordings. Our process of collaboration includes in-depth conversations about the poetry and intent of the music, absorbing the solo electro-acoustic versions in advance of the performances by intensive listening. Every performance is unique. In his interpretations, I feel myself frozen in wonder and gratitude for sharing these experiences and taking these journeys with me. I am indebted and awe-struck. Planetarium (2010, recorded 2012)[10:14] Shackled under an illusion of freedom, she looks outward, dreaming of her own soul’s liberation, not in death, but in life, and feels resistance, as though she is chained down beneath a ceiling of possibility that reveals itself to her, but is inaccessible, partially because she herself is the imagined freedom of others… but in her shackles, she finds that by going inward, she does indeed fly far beyond those limitations and finds herself released, becoming one with a continuous state of timelessness and wonder. for electronic playback and improvised piano Hand (2010) [5:44] ...is at once mysterious, sensual, accepting, understanding, prismatic, intense, and loving. The text is from Shakespeare’s Venus and Adonis, where Venus says, “my smooth moist hand, were it with they hand felt, would in thy palm dissolve or seem to melt.” All of the sounds are from my voice; sung, spoken, modified. Sunqueen and the Emperor (2009)[9:42] An original “mythical” tale in which the gentle, steady power of the Sun Queen faces, to her dismay, the greed of a tyrant who wants control over everything, including the elements and time. The emperor declares war with the Sun, and after tolerating various tactics, she eventually loses patience and sends out ferocious solar flares, while simultaneously maintaining a nurturing core. He is profoundly wounded during this battle – physically and emotionally – but these wounds are his teachers, and he learns about compassion in the shade of a garden she procures for him… and sustains for the rest of his now-eternal existence. Balance returns, and the Sun Queen continues to give light and life. Desert tree (2009)[8:38] A true story of a loved one in my own words, read by poet João Camilo. Lion-Goddess of Trees and Nature-Goddess of Fire (2010, recorded 2011)[18:40] Based on a dream I had where I was ceremoniously dressed in a long, elaborately embroidered dress with bold red and gold colors, hair braided, bright red lips and brilliant eyes… suspended from a tree by a single leg hooked over a branch, while a large white horse stood calmly beneath me. Exuberantly, I lacerated my arms with a machete knife, blood everywhere, I seemed to be rejoicing in this ceremony. This, to me, is NOT dark, but symbolic of release of the past and embracing the currents of new life and WILLINGNESS to experience growth and the pain that often accompanies it. In the poem, I convert my ceremonious self into a lion – a protector – that is above the ground so she can blanket what is beneath her with warmth, life, and vigor, while being close to the sky… so close that she proclaims: I should BE the sky! Without ambiguity of purpose or generosity, in passion and growth… total acceptance. There is also a reference to “Hand” within this work. Goddess of Trees and Nature and Goddess of Fire, from Charon’s Pantheon The ninth and eleventh of the thirteen pieces in the Pantheon cycle, commissioned by Myron Dyal (www.myrondyal.com), and published in 2011 as “songs” of archetypal Goddesses as envisioned and sculpted by Dyal in 2010. There is enormous substance in all of the Goddesses, as communicated to me by Myron’s experiences with them, his life story, my interactions with the sculptures and what they communicate to me, my efforts to internalize and represent these universal, expansive, ultimately unknowable concepts. Composing this music was a transformative experience for me. I composed the Goddess of Trees and Nature two days after my grandmother passed away, one day before leaving for the memorial. I was feeling the pressure of a deadline as well… I remember this day, as I laid staring at the ceiling for probably twelve or thirteen hours, then said to myself: it’s time to make sound. I sang the entire piece, and completed transformations and edits within three hours after my initial recordings. It is still, for me, one of my most penetrating and soulful works, perhaps despite how quickly it took shape… though that directness may also be an important factor in it’s soulfulness. The Goddess of Fire is a regenerating force of nature, she has the ability to destroy but also to create. She is extraordinary grace and fervor, passionate, searching, and urgent. In Fire, there is cleansing – what remains is pure and liberated. What Bryan creates in his performance is unspeakably magical and inspirational, he profoundly connects with the essence of these works. The Goddess compositions are about MANY things, but one deeply important lesson they have for me is about TRUST. Allowing the journey to take the path it needs to take, to not stand in its way by imposing restrictions or conventions, allowing an inner voice to say what it must without interference, no fear or doubt, to take risks – to simultaneously embrace and release all that one feels and knows – and to trust that these actions will lead down the right path. For me, remarkably and indelibly spiritual and life-changing. These works significantly impacted how I approach the creative process.