THANKS Gretchen Kaufman, Sheri Conn, Bob Thiele, Bob Neuwirth, Scott Feldman, Christy Moody, Kris Ellenberg, Joe Guglielmo, Saina Ziai-Danner, Pledge Music and all the pledgers. Special thanks to Ben Cooper for pre-production. produced by Amy Loftus produced and engineered by Eric Corne asst. production and engineering (Nashville) by Ben Cooper and Evan Redwine Drums Andy Hubbard Drums on "The Wind" Ben Loshin Bass James Gregory Guitars Todd Lombardo Piano Ben Cooper Violin Eric Gorfain Cello Richard Dodd Organ/Keys John Deaderick Bass on tracks 5,8,9 Ted Kamp Acoustic guitar on track 5 Evan Redwine This album is a labor of love and a collection of songs I wrote from 2008-2014. I did not think anyone would ever hear them but for the few shows I’d play each year for 20 or 30 people, and my apartment neighbors. I wrote songs from the pain of believing that as a woman and as a musician I had a sort of expiration date, and was not eligible for possibilities in love and work. That’s a lonely place to be. Then one night I agreed to go to dinner with a friend of a friend, and found myself falling madly in love, and was writing all about that. Then the next thing I knew I was a stepparent with a hot husband who was urging me to create another album. I am one of the dreamers..my early experiences in the music business amuse me, I was so delusionally optimistic and fearless about leaving my mark. Then the reality of touring and hustling broke my heart, like it does so many. As a result I lost all faith in my ability to reach anybody. And then it was restored to me, ten fold. And it’s from that overflow I share this with you, from my very human heart to yours. You’re being here right now and holding this for a reason, your dreams do matter, and music is here to bring us a little closer to our own hearts, and to each other. Thanks for listening and giving me the chance to help you remember. Love, Amy TRACK 1: 1959 (Amy Loftus) i’m gonna change my name to his i’m gonna let him drive i’ll slow down and really live instead of just survive ending the story i told myself bout how freedom was my life i am fully liberated becoming this man’s wife i’m a one man woman in a new millenium here to do anything and be all there is to become you may see a modern woman on the outside but together for forever’s all that’s on my mind inside my heart it’s 1959 i’m gonna fix my mama’s dishes i’m gonna make him smile it doesn’t have to be big business to be worth my while i’m not afraid to let him lead that’s the way we roll i’ll prove myself on the world’s stage beside him i am whole oh oh it’s the best part wherever you are there’s progress in a quiet heart Track 2: Written by Nik Kershaw TRACK 3: Out Of Time (Amy Loftus/Brett Rosenberg/Ben Cooper) Oh that past past past it just isn't here no more We all wanna rewrite it especially when we hit the floor You can still chase every dream And trust things are not as they seem But even that horizon’s sunset shine is a daily grind, ordinary yet divine Out of time out of time out of everything it takes to make a clock unwind Out of time out of time but baby I believe we’ll make it out alive (Out of time out of time out of everything it takes to make a dull coat shine) It's not that bad there in the 11th hour But not everybody gets to cash in on the lesson when life goes sour You can hold your breath until you're blue But life will not cater to you ‘Cause you don't tell your Maker you wrote the script as you see fit you just act in it just when you think you’re all out of luck outta light outta love y’see all that really matters comes out of time track 4: FAR (Amy Loftus) she’s never alone me i never married five kids of her own me i’ve never carried i left my high school sweetheart leanin against his car i couldn’t tell him where i was goin i only said far i sang up on sunset got treated like spit got promised that i’d be the next major hit waited for rock n roll boyfriend to get home from the bar he couldn’t care less where i was goin until it was far and i’ve never known known how to stay my only home has been runnin away i’ll cross that bridge when i get there leave every place like it’s a dare and i’ve been runnin since eighteen and i can run fast i never gave any thought to if my legs would last as long as i’m breathin i’ve been on the run and i just looked around and i feel like i’m done runnin far i’ve driven until there wasn’t any more road got up to sing when nobody showed from my father’s house to sleepin inside a car i couldn’t tell you what close felt like but man i knew far and i’ve never known known how to stay my only home has been runnin away i’ll cross that bridge when i get there leave every place like it’s a dare and i’ve been runnin since eighteen and i can run fast i never gave any thought to if my legs would last as long as i’m breathin i’ve been on the run and i just looked at you and i feel like i’m done runnin TRACK 5: That Whole Time racin cars ridin bikes desert sky mountain heights laughin hard with your guys skippin school surfin high you were mine that whole time school uniform city train ballet shoes wings of the stage dreamin sun in the rain left so they would know my name i was yours that whole time CH: i was yours you were mine that whole entire time i was yours you were mine that whole time gettin hitched havin sons watchin her go comin undone runnin hard under the moon because your home felt like a ruin you were mine that whole time you were mine that whole time singin songs about the truth luggin gear hotel rooms cryin in the green room lonesome dove no one knew i was yours that whole time i was yours that whole time washed your truck no more dirt home from work change of shirt perfumed sigh pretty skirt you stood up got me to flirt you were mine that whole time i was yours that whole time Undertow Amy Loftus/Jason Land/Ben Cooper words burnin a hole in my chest words more than just babe you’re the best words i am afraid to say they can make someone run away it’s getting deep here but we go slow strong current pullin my heart to show i want to dive in and just let go but i’m scared of the undertow SWIRL ME ‘ROUND, LOSE CONTROL HOLD ONTO ME OR LET ME GO DON’T PULL ME DOWN, ALL OUT OF BREATH AND LEAVE ME DROWNING ON MY OWN IN YOUR UNDERTOW you leavin me here to guess do the same words burn in your chest words i am longing to hear they can make everything clear the sun out on that horizon is gonna have it's way won’t shine on tomorrow only on today you might drift off you might stay TRACK 7:Sun and Sky Blue A Loftus/B Cooper you’re the ground and i’m the sky and there’s no silver lining from this side when she’s a storm blowin through shaking taking even you she was the chase she was the drug back against the wall never enough all i ever did was open my heart true love is there from the start she was this thing you set out to prove me there was nothin that you had to do she was the storm tearin through you me all i am is sun and sky blue now you’re mine and i am yours no one knows what’s behind our closed doors and in the streets when she blows through broken branches smile at you i’m the sky and you’re the ground don’t forget light is just past those clouds ‘cause in your eyes i am home no matter what winds are blowin TRACK 8: workin man amy loftus This is my dad’s life story. It’s all true. war rations and runnin scared through the backyard so hard poverty will leave you really smart and really scarred sore heart my father never had a pair of new shoes and he don’t play no music but if he did it’d be the blues lawn mowin and turnin money into ma for bread tired head school studies nothin left for dinner early to bed book read my father never had nothin handed to him he never had no lighthouse and if he did it was pretty dim when you know what life is like with no money and no plan you learn to keep your head down cuz it costs to take a stand when it did not even occur to you to seek a helping hand you’ve become a workin man a workin man skippin grades and testing out of what would be a loan full blown the brewery at night and drivin cars across the country and back home full grown my father never had a day to himself and when the paychecks came he traded them for bills up on his mother’s shelf pretty new wife and babies up and just around the bend deep end new house car and brothers needin money he could lend please send my father never really had a break he was busy makin sure the rest of us would claim our stake oh he gave us everything he had but bein poor can lurk so he taught us that there is no substitute for hard worK TRACK 9: The Wind Amy Loftus if he’s surfin on the ocean and i feel him is far from here well do i wonder where the stars went or just know they will appear if he’s racin up a mountain cuz he has some more to learn well do i wonder where the spring went or just know it will return don’t let me hang hang onto him or call him mine this belongs to the wind don’t let me wonder where did he go a faithful heart rests in what it doesn’t know if there is a path toward him and on the way it feels like rain well would i ever fight a clear sky confront the sun if rain never came nobody knows nobody really knows trouble i’m in nobody sees me here convincing the wind TRACK 10 What it Seems (Amy Loftus) this is not what it seems if you look past you’ll see this is not what it seems we are living our dream he never ate supper tonight went straight to bed i could not understand what he said somethin’ bout his head this is not what it seems i know God would agree we picked the right dream this is not what it seems he never did see bout that job saw a friend went along he’s sayin again won’t be long he’s capable and strong this is not what it seems his birthday’s comin up and they’re expecting us big party for the Cup this is not what it seems this is not what it seems how do you fall fall to your knees when he isn’t here i feel like i can’t breathe but sometimes i wonder when i look at the sea “why this needs fixing if he is my dream” this is not what it seems i cooked and i cleaned everything in it’s place where the blood was no trace he never did make it that night took off toward the Heights in the rain all alone no streetlight he left me to hike this is not what it seems when he wakes up he’s fine last night in my dreams he said sorry girl youre mine this is not what it seems this is not what it seems when do you fall fall to your knees when he isn’t here it’s like i can’t breathe but sometimes i miss miss being me like when i was happy like when i was three this is not what it seems i just need to believe believe he’s my dream this is not what it seems TRACK 11 So Many Sundays (Amy Loftus) It’s a day off and it stretches out before me like a sentence this city is a jail how with a heart this big and roomy has all the love it’s ever known become so frail it’s a Sunday i should do somethin that’s holy but i’ve planted all the roses i can spare in the sunshine i might sit and write a letter but mail it to him no i would not dare so many Sundays stacked up that they wobble and fall Only one teacup in my kitchen sink My name does not echo down the hall Nobody knows where I am at all there’s a playground people watchin their kids laughin all i see is the side of the fence i’m on but the trees there rise up out of the sidewalk and stand up to tell me i still belong at a bus stop someone sittin looked in my eyes and smiled at me like an old friend as if to say this is just a Sunday just another day that is soon to end TRACK 12 : WITHOUT ME (amy loftus) i go on in i look around and i do not make a sound this is the landscape of my time here this is the vehicle that i don’t steer this is my life without me see how it runs so smoothly this is my life without me in the way this is my life without me bargin in to have my say this is my life reminding me i’m just a breath away this is my life without me i try again to control and again it takes its toll you gotta know what’s yours to do you gotta know what’s yours to let loose i guess i think the world would fall apart if i was gone i guess i think i have only one chance when all along i know who truly makes the world go round my significant insignificance